You did WHAT???

I did it.  I've never done it before.  But I can tell you it's one of the most AMAZING experiences of my life to date.  Ranks right up there with climbing Mt. Sinai.  Ok, maybe not THAT amazing and I don't mean to sound sacrilegious.  I mean...I did climb Mt. Sinai but ended up renting a camel because I couldn't get my sorry behind up that mountain.  HEY!  Don't judge.  I had to wake up at 2AM!  You ALL would have been with me on the camel rental, trust me...

Anyway...Back to the story...I had just cleaned my daughter’s room.  We are talking SPOTLESS, everything organized.  Heck, I even vacuumed (never could spell that word and auto correct doesn't want to do it for me) AND 409'd the nightstand.  Her little baby bed was even put together nicely with one of her dollies tucked neatly inside. 

It was then that I began to feel sorry for myself.  Because her room was just the beginning.  I still had to sweep and mop the floor, unload the dishwasher, put in the dishes piling up in the sink, wash my sheets thanks to my baby and his magic marker skills, put away loads of laundry, clean the bathrooms...the office.........the bedrooms............ the.................tears.  I think there were literally tears at this point.  I was in a hole and I could not dig myself out!  

About a month ago in a moment of weakness, I texted my friend and asked her for the number of the person who cleaned her house.  Then I swore her to secrecy that she would never tell a single soul that I asked her for the phone number that would sweep me away into a land where I was eating chocolate bonbons and soaking it up in a bath full of Calgon.

People, I texted that cleaning lady.  I know, I was weak.  I asked her if she could come over THAT AFTERNOON to clean.  No answer.  I then called the woman.  NO ANSWER!  Granted, I'm not the most patient person in the world, but you would figure this woman would want some bidness.  Obviously she did not.  Either that or she started screening her calls.  Which, let's be honest, we all do.

So there I was.  I hung my head and was about to drown my sorrows with another mini Cadburry egg when suddenly, someone knocked at the door.  

I didn't know who it was.  I wasn't expecting anyone.  Fortunately I was dressed so I didn't have to scramble around to find yesterday's sweats in a pitiful heap on my bedroom floor. Yep, I've been livin' it up lately, folks.  

I raced to the door and peeked through the blinds.  A little woman in a bright pink shirt with a huge grin stood looking at me.  Great....Another sales person.  I wondered what she was pedaling.  Unfortunately, I had taken the "do not solicit" sign off our front door when we moved in because I hated the way it looked.  Too bad I threw that bad boy away.  I really could have used it right then!

I reluctantly unlocked the door and greeted her with a straight face.  Thank goodness, she wasn't selling anything, she just wanted a neighbor’s phone number.  I asked her what she needed it for.  She said she cleaned their house and got a new phone and lost the number.  She knew the first and last name of the lady, and knew which house she lived in, so I knew she was legit.  Then it dawned on me.  SHE CLEANS HOUSES!  And I desperately needed help.  I did, you guys.  I did.  

So I asked her if she wanted to possibly clean my house (not right then but another time) and showed her around.  We exchanged numbers then I don't know what happened, it just slipped out of my mouth..."Would you like to clean my house now?"  

Cute cleaning lady:  "I sorry, I don't have time right now."

Me:  "Ok."

Cute cleaning lady:  "But maybe I clean for just a little bit?"

Me:  "Ok!  Come on in!"

DID I SERIOUSLY JUST HIRE SOMEONE ON THE SPOT TO CLEAN MY HOUSE?  And she actually said YES?  I went to go grab those bonbons and headed for my bubbly tub.  Just kidding!  I asked her if she minded if I cleaned with her.  To my surprise, she said she didn't mind at all.  She said she would go fast to show me how she worked.  Well, she was FAST!  I showed her how I liked to do the dishes and she DID THEM FOR ME!  You guys, WAS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?  Yes.  Yes it was.  That kitchen was horrendous.  Hard stuck on food on the countertops (oh you thought I was referring to plates, nope).  And let me just tell you how speedy she was at unloading that dishwasher!  

I then asked her if she wanted to mop the floor.  She said yes!  Guys, my floor was so clean I would have eaten off it.  But I had already eaten lunch.  ;)  I vacuumed and cleaned the office while she cleaned the bathrooms.  I also washed our mats in our bathroom and stripped our sheets to wash those later.  

Sweet little Benny (Benedita) was there for a little over 2 hours.  She said she isn't normally that fast, that she is 63 years old but wanted to show me how fast she could be.  Bless you, woman.  Bless you.

I had to limit her cleaning to 2 hours because...well...I only had $40 cash in my wallet. l'll let you think on that for a second....

........

2, carry the 4...

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5, carry the 7...

You see, I didn't want anyone (aka my husband) to find out that I actually asked someone to clean our house because I couldn't put on my big girl pants and do it myself.  So I wanted to pay her in non-traceable bills.  Come on, we women have all been there!  (I’ve seen my mother’s closet).  Can you imagine if I told him???  Smoke would come out of his ears!  Oh, the horror. 

Here is how I rationalize this most frivolous expense:  The hubs and I were invited to his sister's birthday dinner that night.  If I were to go, I would have had to hire a babysitter ($15), gas ($5), meal ($15)…I'm almost at $40!  So I rationalized and told myself I would rather let him go to his family gathering without me (oh sweetie you're so nice, staying at home with the kids ;)) and I could enjoy a clean house for I was going to say the entire weekend but let's be honest it'll be a pig sty by Monday.  

Now...to be clear...I AM going to tell him.  I just don't know when.  He'll probably figure it out when he sees the shower cleaned.  Notice I didn't say "how well" the shower was cleaned.  Because quite frankly, in the 15 months that I've lived here I've never cleaned it.  But man that thing sparkles.  I opened up the blinds and the light cascading through that glass...well...It's what dreams are made of.  Am I right or am I right???

Dedicated to all of the women in my life who really just one thing:  A clean house.